Monday, October 17, 2005
{ 3:52 AM }
i got baq my piano results. my dreams r dashed. i onli passed..i sux manx. i dunt noe how to say. i practised, i listened, i corrected, i prayed. my efforts had gone down to the drain. i mean. i realli sux larz. cant stand myself. y everyhing bad cums to me like a wave, unable to stop. i bareli passed. i went thru all the trouble to improve my things. scales, pieces, n this is wat i got. n the wost thing is, the xaminer still saed, well done for securing a pass. wat the hell? i'm good at nth. i'm useless. i dunt understand y? i did all these things, hoping tt i could at least clinche a merit. i didnt, n i almost flunk. wat's the problem with me? all my results r bad. not one is good. 105. i hate this no. at least like gif me, 115. i feel sho sad. grief just overwhelmed me, giving me no space to recover. i dunt tink i cn be optimistic le. everytym i tried, sumthing'll just come n destroy the lil happiness in me. it took the lil happiness in me leaving me devoid of happiness. i lack the happiness n cheerfulness others haf. u c in me the dark side of life. it doesnt pay to b good. so wat if u treat ppl well? so wat if u study hard? so wat? u'll onli get bq wat u dunt want. this set back is too big for me. i cant take it. i realli cant. god, where r u when i nided u most? i noe, i'm not worthy for u, but u left me alone. i no longer haf the strenght to carry on. i'ld rather leave this misery n neva to continue it. i haf no confidence, i noe, everything i do, i'll neva succeed. life is miserable. i c no point in being optimistic ever agian. i'm devoid of the lil happiness in me. no longer a happy person. the more i carry on in life, the more i c no point in carrying on. y not just stop here n end this misery? y not? maybe until the day i find the true meaning of life, will i revive. currentli, i'm a life corpse. i'm just living for the sake of living. i might as well b dead..